Just A Common Sailor

by Anon (brought to my attention by Fr Andy, with much thanks and condolences)

He was getting old and paunchy, and his hair was falling fast,
He sat around the table telling stories of the past,
Of a war that he had fought in, and the deeds that he had done,
Of his exploits with his oppo’s, they were heroes every one.

And tho’ sometimes to his family his tales became a joke,
His wife she listened carefully, for she knew of what he spoke.
But we will hear those tales no longer for [name]’s passed away,
And the worlds a little poorer for a sailor died today,

He’ll not be mourned by many, Just his family and his friends.
For he lived a ordinary, quiet , life. until the very end.
He worked to raise his family, till to old to earn his pay,
No the world won’t know his passing, tho’ a sailor died today.

When politicians leave this earth their bodies lie in state
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that were great.
The papers tell their histories from the time when they were young,
But the passing of a sailor goes unnoticed, go unsung.

Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
Someone who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?

A politician’s stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary sailor who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.

It’s so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Jacks of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a sailor, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?

He was just a common sailor and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the sailors part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honour while he’s here to hear the praise,
Then at least let’s give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,

Our Country is in mourning, for a sailor died today.

Eucharistic Preface for Unity

for use in times of national disunity

The Lord be with you
and also with you

Lift up your hearts
We lift them to the Lord

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God
It is right to give thanks and praise

Almighty God and Ever-lasting Father
We come together in this holy sanctuary
From many different places, spaces and positions
To sing your praise and glory.

You weave us together
Shape us on the potter’s wheel
You take our glorious diversity of creation
And unite us in the one universal Kingdom of God

A Kingdom where peace and prosperity,
Worship and love
Justice, mercy and joy abound
Even in the face of our human frailty and failings.

The choirs of heaven, the angels, saints, prophets & patriarchs
Join together in unity to sing of your praise and glory
And we join with them, singing

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of Power & Might
Heaven & Earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed are they who come in the name of the Lord
Hosanna in the highest!

Liturgical note: Yes, you CAN write your own prefaces!

GCSE: Cross-curricular studies for teenagers

Time allowed: 1 hour 45 minutes

Please show your workings.

Mathematics

1. Three people live in a house. All of those people are over the age of 14. Please explain, with the aid of diagrams, why only one of those people can take the rubbish out.

2. Josh has started an apprenticeship earning £140 per week. His mobile phone bill this month was £385. How much pay will he have left over?
a) All of it, WTF should he pay his own bill?
b) None of it, he has spent it all on a tattoo

3. Jane wears a clean shirt to school every day. Jane has six shirts. Explain using Bayes Theorem and taking into account microbiological cross-contamination how likely it is that any given shirt on the floor on Thursday morning will be clean enough to wear to school.

English language and creative writing

4. “I was like going to the shopping mall and met like Lucy, Dan and like two other people from like school. We went to like Hollisters to get some like T-shirts for Dan and then went to like Primark cos Becky like needs a bikini for her holiday in like Benidorm. We were like starving so we went to like McDonald’s to get like some food and met up with like more people from school. We all had like burgers and like chips and some of us had like a drink but some of us didn’t have like enough money.”

Explain the exact meaning and usage of the word ‘like’ in the above passage.

5. Write about an inspirational member of your local community, such as Beth’s Mum. Pay particular attention to Beth’s Mum’s opinions on music, art, politics, fashion sense, physical fitness, financial generosity and liberal parenting policies.

Combined Science

6. Explain, using the periodic table, why WKD will make you puke.

7. Explain the physics behind the phrase “It’s just gone”. You may use any of the following objects to illustrate your theory: an outdoor coat, one rugby boot, school tie, art coursework.

Technology and Computer Science

8. Explain how you will circumvent the broadband security your moderately techy parents have set up. Use diagrams if necessary.

9. You have been invited to sleep over at Harvey’s house. Your parents wish to communicate with Harvey’s parents about this.
(i) Explore and explain the circumstances under which the following items of modern technology would be simultaneously broken in order to prevent this communication from taking place:
a) the telephone – you should include reference to both landline and mobile.
b) email or any other internet-based communication system.
c) carrier pigeon.
(ii) Calculate the probability that, in a relatively small village, your parents already know that Harvey’s parents have gone away for the weekend.

Critical Thinking

10. Explain what happens when you use the last of the toilet roll.
a) I put another full roll on the holder.
b) I stuff the full roll behind the back of the holder.
c) I’m going to Nando’s with Becky.

Drama and Theatre Studies

11. “The Walking Dead could like totally happen.”
Discuss the devices used by the writers to support this assertion. Your answer should include reference to themes, tone and setting.

Economics

12. You are in a house alone during the day. How many lights should be switched on and remain on?
a) Those in the room you’re in.
b) Those in the room you are about to enter.
c) All of the lights including the fridge light as, though you are able to remove plaster when you slam your bedroom door shut, you can’t quite shut the fridge door properly.

Philosophy

13. It’s soooo unfair!!!! – discuss.
14. Arthur is 17. His dinner consists of a XXL pizza and there is half a pizza in the box. Discuss whether this is:
a) Half eaten
b) Half uneaten
c) Not enough

For bonus marks:
How much more pizza will it take to fill Arthur up? (10 pts)
Discuss the theoretical concept of “too much bacon” (15 pts)

15. If a mother is speaking and no one is listening, does she still make a sound?

A Service of Prayer & Dedication after Marriage

Introduction

God is love, and those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
1 John 4

The minister welcomes the couple and their family and friends, using these or similar words:

[N] and [N], you stand in the presence of God having contracted a legal marriage earlier, to dedicate to God your life together. We pray with you that God may empower you to keep the vows you have made to one another.

The Holy Scriptures teach us that marriage is a gift of God’s grace, a holy mystery in which two people become one flesh. It is God’s purpose that, as two people give themselves to each other in love throughout their lives, they shall be united in that love as Christ is united with the Church.

Marriage is given, that two people may comfort and help one another, living faithfully together in need and in plenty, in sorrow and in joy. It is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love, and through the joy of their bodily union may strengthen the union of their hearts and lives.

[N], [N] – Is it your wish today to affirm your desire to live as followers of Christ, and to come to him, the fountain of grace, that, strengthened by the prayers of the Church, you may be enabled to fulfil your marriage vows in love and faithfulness?

The couple reply: It is.

A hymn may be sung here.

Collect

Almighty God,
You have taught us through your Son
that love is the fulfillment of the Law.
Grant to these your servants
that, loving one another,
they may continue in your love until their lives’ end.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.

Readings

At least one Bible reading should be used, and other readings, poems, may also be used here.

The Dedication

The couple face the minister, who says

[fullnames],
you have committed yourselves to each other in marriage
And your marriage is recognised by law.
The Church of Christ understands marriage to be a lifelong union
For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish
Til parted by death.
Is this your understanding of the covenant and promises that you have made?

The couple reply: It is.

Have you resolved to be faithful to one another,
forsaking all others,
so long as you both shall live?

The couple reply: We have.

[N], This ring is a symbol of never-ending love
Of all that I am and all that I have.
Receive and treasure it
As a token and pledge of the love I have for you
Wear it always
And find in it a protection whenever we have to be apart.

[N], This ring is a symbol of never-ending love
Of all that I am and all that I have.
Receive and treasure it
As a token and pledge of the love I have for you
Wear it always
And find in it a protection whenever we have to be apart.

The priest says to the congregation:

Will you, the family and friends of [N] and [N]
support and uphold them in their marriage
Now and in the years to come?
All: We will.

The priest takes the two ringed hands and wraps them in his stole

Heavenly Father, by your blessing
let these rings be to [N] and [N]
symbols of unending love and faithfulness
and of the promises they have made to each other:
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
All: Amen.

Blessing

God the Giver of Life,
God the Bearer of Pain
God the Maker of love
bless, preserve and keep you

The divine light illuminate you,
and shine out even from the cells of your being
guiding you in truth and peace
and making you strong in faith and wisdom
that you may grow together in this life
and that the love which endures
carved and polished like a diamond,
the love that can never be overcome,
may it bear you even beyond death itself
and transfigure you to glory

God bless you both
as we bless you from our hearts
now and always
Amen

A hymn may be sung here

Prayers

Faithful God,
holy and eternal,
source of life and spring of love,
we thank and praise you for bringing [N] and [N] to this day,
and we pray for them.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May their marriage be life-giving and life-long,
enriched by your presence and strengthened by your grace;
may they bring comfort and confidence to each other
in faithfulness and trust.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May the hospitality of their home
bring refreshment and joy to all around them;
may their love overflow to neighbours in need
and embrace those in distress.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May they discern in your word
order and purpose for their lives;
and may the power of your Holy Spirit
lead them in truth and defend them in adversity.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May they nurture each other
and come at last to the end of their lives
with hearts content and in joyful anticipation of heaven.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

As our Saviour taught us, so we pray

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

Conclusion

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love,
Defend you on every side, and guide you in every truth and peace;
and the blessing of God almighty,
the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,
be with you and remain with you always.
Amen.

A message to all those preparing for Ordination to the Priesthood

We have not ordained you to be a caring person; you are already called to that;

We have not ordained you to serve the Church in committees, planning activities, and organisation; that is already implied in your membership;

We have not ordained you to become involved in issues of justice and peace, in the struggle, personal, social, political, against all forms of oppression and idolatry; for that is laid upon every Christian.

We have ordained you to something smaller and less spectacular:

  • to read and interpret those sacred stories of our community so that they speak the Word to people today;
  • to remember and practice those rituals and rites of meaning which in their poetry address people at the level where change operates;
  • to foster in community through Word and Sacrament and pastoral care that encounter with truth which will set people free to minister as the body of Christ.

We have ordained you to BE a priest, not to work as a priest, but to BE.

May God bless you in your future ministry.

NewCurateBingo

Dave Walker – http://www.cartoonchurch.com

Increasing internal storage on LG G3 (D855) using the SD Card

It’s a great phone, and I have no regrets about choosing it over the Samsung or the Sony at the time (I played with all three side-by-side), but that was some time ago and now 16Gb of internal storage is frankly a little light.

Of course you can add an SD Card for additional storage and this is great for movies and music files, but ultimately you start running out of app space. One of the coolest features of Android M (aka 6.0 or Marshmellow) is the ability to merge your SD Card into the internal memory. The downside is the loss of a bit of performance and you lose the ability to treat the SD card as a removable drive (it gets formatted into an internal format thus making it unreadable outside the phone without reformatting) but I never do that anyway because it means taking the back off the phone.

However, LG have disabled this feature.

BUT you can re-enable it.

1. Upgrading LG G3 to Marshmellow (Android 6.0 M)

On the Official LG Website, search for your G3 and you will find:

screenshot-www.lg.com 2016-05-24 08-14-20

Select “Software” and you get…
screenshot-www.lg.com 2016-05-24 08-14-32

Alternatively, the quick link is: http://www.lg.com/uk/support/mobile-phones?superCategoryId=CT00008355&categoryId=CT00008356&search=D855

Install the drivers and then the Mobile Support Tool.

2016-05-24

Connect your phone and select “Start Upgrade” and the system will officially and automatically upgrade you to Android 6.0. For some, that’s good enough because you have the latest official version and haven’t had to wait for an OTA (over the air) upgrade.

2. Enabling SD Card Internal Storage

Now this bit can get a little technical and scary, but bear with me. You need to make an edit to the system configuration and to do this you temporarily need to root your phone. This means basically to take control over it. It’s going to be temporary but you will need to install some programs to help you do this.

2.1 KingRoot

On your phone, go to https://kingroot.net   (note the https is important, going to http will not get you there)

screenshot-kingroot.net 2016-05-24 08-31-28

Download the Android Version onto your phone. Don’t bother with the Windows version, it is in an odd character set and makes no sense. You will need to sideload this .apk file. In SETTINGS / SECURITY  enable the  UNKNOWN SOURCES option. Then select the KingRoot app from your downloads folder and install it.

Run the App and follow the instructions here https://kingroot.net/tutorials to root your device. It will not be rooted the next time you reboot, so all will be well.

2.2 Build Prop Editor

From the Play Store go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.jrummy.apps.build.prop.editor

screenshot-play.google.com 2016-05-24 08-37-48

Running this app enables you to search for the following entry:

ro.lge.adoptable_storage 

This is set to false by default on the LG marshmallow ROM. You can set this to true, save the file and then reboot the phone.

Now, when you go into storage settings. You can press on External SD card, this will bring up the file explorer for the card. Pressing the additional options at the top right and selecting settings will reveal the all powerful option to format the SD card as storage. Woo!

WARNING: This will remove everything on the SD card, remember to backup any files.

WARNING 2: Removing the SD card from now on without reformatting the data to the internal storage properly will result in the loss of stuff. You need to be committed to keeping this SD card in situ and doing a complete factory reset when you want to move on.

There! Sorted.

 

Reflection: Easter 7, Year C John 17:20-26

What you do matters. It may not feel much like it, as you drag yourself from Sunday to Sunday, out to this place to sing hymns, hear Scripture and then return to the fields and plains, the town and city of your life, your family, your work.

And yet it matters. Why?

Because it’s true. Because of your worship, prayer and witness to the love of Jesus makes a difference in this world, empowered by prayer, emboldened by faith. It is prayer that we should think of today: our prayer, frail as it may be, and the prayer of Jesus, praying for us.

Our Gospel today offers a powerful opportunity to see prayer in unity. We are, in our Gospel, brought back on the night of Maundy Thursday, when Jesus gathers his disciples around him for a final meal. He washes their feet, setting an example for them. He shares the first Eucharist with them and then gives them a commandment to love another. And then he tries to prepare them for his departure.

In some ways, it’s an impossible task. The disciples can’t comprehend what is happening; perhaps they can’t even hear him through their confusion and fear. And so when he has said all that they can bear, he promises them that the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, will come to them, remind them of what he’s said, and lead them into all truth.

And then he does one more thing. He prays for them.

The prayer is complex enough, even convoluted enough, that we can forget that it is a prayer. Indeed, we call it the “high priestly prayer” because it is not only intense, but also at portions – including in this reading – rather theologically dense. In some ways, in fact, it sounds more like a commandment – to be one; or more teaching – this time about his relationship with the Father; or even more promises – that they will one day be where Jesus is going and share his glory. But at heart it’s none of these things. It’s a prayer. It’s the prayer of one person praying for others, others whom he loves.

And that’s important. If you’ve ever had someone pray for you – not in general, but really just for you – I am sure you know what I mean.

That’s what Jesus does here. He prays for his disciples. He senses their anxiety, confusion, and fear, and so he prays for them. He knows they can bear no more, and so he prays for them. He knows he will soon leave them, and so he prays for them. And as he does, and whether or not they understand everything he says, he tells them that they do not have to do everything or even understand everything. He tells them that he is there to support him, that they are not alone, and that they are valued and loved.

It’s a powerful moment. And one of the amazing things about this passage is that Jesus doesn’t do this only for them, but also for us. As Jesus prays, “I ask not only on behalf of these, but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word…” And that includes us! We are the latest in a long line of persons who have been inspired and encouraged to believe because of the words and lives of those original disciples.

And what does Jesus pray for? “That they may be one.” That we may be one – one with each other, one with Jesus and the Father, one with ourselves. And that being one, we may have peace.

So my suggestion this week, my friends, would be to invite you and those outside this church to hear these words of Jesus addressed to us today. Imagine – really, to imagine – that Jesus was praying for us all those years ago and continues to care for us, to support us, and to love and value us today.

Take a moment to think about where you need to be one, to be more whole, to have more peace in your life. Imagine that Jesus is praying just for you and, indeed, for all of us.

After Ascension we are told that Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father in glory, ever interceding for us, ever praying for us. We have him on our side.

Let us pray…

Hear us Lord Jesus as we pray for the world, for those who do not know you and for ourselves that we might share the love you have for us, so that we may all be one. In your name. Amen

adapted with thanks from http://www.workingpreacher.org/craft.aspx?m=4377&post=2566