2017 Electric Ordo released FREE – all I ask for is your prayers (PRAYERWARE)

Download

Download the Zip Files file (from my public dropbox folder)

Right click on the above link and select “SAVE AS..” or “SAVE TARGET AS…” or “SAVE LINK AS..”

screenshot-calendar-google-com-2016-09-29-19-57-162017: As the amount of data included continues to increase, the file is too large to import as a single year/file, so this year for the first time, the file has been broken down into MONTHLY files. Please follow the instructions for all 12 months.

This is my annual release of an Electronic Ordo or Church Calendar, containing daily information and readings for Mass each day according to both an Anglican or Roman lectionaries.

It is designed to be imported into electronic calendars which support the iCalendar format. I use it in Google Calendar but it has been proven to work within iCal on the Mac and Microsoft Outlook.

Once in Google Calendar, it will synchronise with your Smartphone or Tablet and give you a quick way to check the Colour, the Divine Office or the readings for Holy Communion.

I compile this for myself, and as such it may contain errors or omissions, but if the data is wrong, you won’t be the only one making a mistake, I’ll be making it too! This is released FREE, all I ask is your prayers for my ministry and the ministry of the Roborough Team Ministry here in Plymouth: call it prayerware if you like!

How to Import to Google

FIRSTLY, unzip the file by double-clicking on it and extracting the files.

Remember where you unzipped them because you will need to browse to pick up each file.

At the bottom left hand side of your Google Calendar

Select “Add”
Select “Import Calendar”
Browse to where you downloaded the data files. Repeat for all 12 files.
Google Calendar

You will see the file upload and import

It takes a few moments to import, and seems to be doing nothing. Worry not. It will then appear in your calendar and synchronise in the usual way. Enjoy!

Just A Common Sailor

by Anon (brought to my attention by Fr Andy, with much thanks and condolences)

He was getting old and paunchy, and his hair was falling fast,
He sat around the table telling stories of the past,
Of a war that he had fought in, and the deeds that he had done,
Of his exploits with his oppo’s, they were heroes every one.

And tho’ sometimes to his family his tales became a joke,
His wife she listened carefully, for she knew of what he spoke.
But we will hear those tales no longer for [name]’s passed away,
And the worlds a little poorer for a sailor died today,

He’ll not be mourned by many, Just his family and his friends.
For he lived a ordinary, quiet , life. until the very end.
He worked to raise his family, till to old to earn his pay,
No the world won’t know his passing, tho’ a sailor died today.

When politicians leave this earth their bodies lie in state
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that were great.
The papers tell their histories from the time when they were young,
But the passing of a sailor goes unnoticed, go unsung.

Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
Someone who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?

A politician’s stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary sailor who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.

It’s so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Jacks of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a sailor, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?

He was just a common sailor and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the sailors part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honour while he’s here to hear the praise,
Then at least let’s give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,

Our Country is in mourning, for a sailor died today.

Eucharistic Preface for Unity

for use in times of national disunity

The Lord be with you
and also with you

Lift up your hearts
We lift them to the Lord

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God
It is right to give thanks and praise

Almighty God and Ever-lasting Father
We come together in this holy sanctuary
From many different places, spaces and positions
To sing your praise and glory.

You weave us together
Shape us on the potter’s wheel
You take our glorious diversity of creation
And unite us in the one universal Kingdom of God

A Kingdom where peace and prosperity,
Worship and love
Justice, mercy and joy abound
Even in the face of our human frailty and failings.

The choirs of heaven, the angels, saints, prophets & patriarchs
Join together in unity to sing of your praise and glory
And we join with them, singing

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of Power & Might
Heaven & Earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest!

Blessed are they who come in the name of the Lord
Hosanna in the highest!

Liturgical note: Yes, you CAN write your own prefaces!

GCSE: Cross-curricular studies for teenagers

Time allowed: 1 hour 45 minutes

Please show your workings.

Mathematics

1. Three people live in a house. All of those people are over the age of 14. Please explain, with the aid of diagrams, why only one of those people can take the rubbish out.

2. Josh has started an apprenticeship earning £140 per week. His mobile phone bill this month was £385. How much pay will he have left over?
a) All of it, WTF should he pay his own bill?
b) None of it, he has spent it all on a tattoo

3. Jane wears a clean shirt to school every day. Jane has six shirts. Explain using Bayes Theorem and taking into account microbiological cross-contamination how likely it is that any given shirt on the floor on Thursday morning will be clean enough to wear to school.

English language and creative writing

4. “I was like going to the shopping mall and met like Lucy, Dan and like two other people from like school. We went to like Hollisters to get some like T-shirts for Dan and then went to like Primark cos Becky like needs a bikini for her holiday in like Benidorm. We were like starving so we went to like McDonald’s to get like some food and met up with like more people from school. We all had like burgers and like chips and some of us had like a drink but some of us didn’t have like enough money.”

Explain the exact meaning and usage of the word ‘like’ in the above passage.

5. Write about an inspirational member of your local community, such as Beth’s Mum. Pay particular attention to Beth’s Mum’s opinions on music, art, politics, fashion sense, physical fitness, financial generosity and liberal parenting policies.

Combined Science

6. Explain, using the periodic table, why WKD will make you puke.

7. Explain the physics behind the phrase “It’s just gone”. You may use any of the following objects to illustrate your theory: an outdoor coat, one rugby boot, school tie, art coursework.

Technology and Computer Science

8. Explain how you will circumvent the broadband security your moderately techy parents have set up. Use diagrams if necessary.

9. You have been invited to sleep over at Harvey’s house. Your parents wish to communicate with Harvey’s parents about this.
(i) Explore and explain the circumstances under which the following items of modern technology would be simultaneously broken in order to prevent this communication from taking place:
a) the telephone – you should include reference to both landline and mobile.
b) email or any other internet-based communication system.
c) carrier pigeon.
(ii) Calculate the probability that, in a relatively small village, your parents already know that Harvey’s parents have gone away for the weekend.

Critical Thinking

10. Explain what happens when you use the last of the toilet roll.
a) I put another full roll on the holder.
b) I stuff the full roll behind the back of the holder.
c) I’m going to Nando’s with Becky.

Drama and Theatre Studies

11. “The Walking Dead could like totally happen.”
Discuss the devices used by the writers to support this assertion. Your answer should include reference to themes, tone and setting.

Economics

12. You are in a house alone during the day. How many lights should be switched on and remain on?
a) Those in the room you’re in.
b) Those in the room you are about to enter.
c) All of the lights including the fridge light as, though you are able to remove plaster when you slam your bedroom door shut, you can’t quite shut the fridge door properly.

Philosophy

13. It’s soooo unfair!!!! – discuss.
14. Arthur is 17. His dinner consists of a XXL pizza and there is half a pizza in the box. Discuss whether this is:
a) Half eaten
b) Half uneaten
c) Not enough

For bonus marks:
How much more pizza will it take to fill Arthur up? (10 pts)
Discuss the theoretical concept of “too much bacon” (15 pts)

15. If a mother is speaking and no one is listening, does she still make a sound?

A Service of Prayer & Dedication after Marriage

Introduction

God is love, and those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
1 John 4

The minister welcomes the couple and their family and friends, using these or similar words:

[N] and [N], you stand in the presence of God having contracted a legal marriage earlier, to dedicate to God your life together. We pray with you that God may empower you to keep the vows you have made to one another.

The Holy Scriptures teach us that marriage is a gift of God’s grace, a holy mystery in which two people become one flesh. It is God’s purpose that, as two people give themselves to each other in love throughout their lives, they shall be united in that love as Christ is united with the Church.

Marriage is given, that two people may comfort and help one another, living faithfully together in need and in plenty, in sorrow and in joy. It is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love, and through the joy of their bodily union may strengthen the union of their hearts and lives.

[N], [N] – Is it your wish today to affirm your desire to live as followers of Christ, and to come to him, the fountain of grace, that, strengthened by the prayers of the Church, you may be enabled to fulfil your marriage vows in love and faithfulness?

The couple reply: It is.

A hymn may be sung here.

Collect

Almighty God,
You have taught us through your Son
that love is the fulfillment of the Law.
Grant to these your servants
that, loving one another,
they may continue in your love until their lives’ end.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.

Readings

At least one Bible reading should be used, and other readings, poems, may also be used here.

The Dedication

The couple face the minister, who says

[fullnames],
you have committed yourselves to each other in marriage
And your marriage is recognised by law.
The Church of Christ understands marriage to be a lifelong union
For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish
Til parted by death.
Is this your understanding of the covenant and promises that you have made?

The couple reply: It is.

Have you resolved to be faithful to one another,
forsaking all others,
so long as you both shall live?

The couple reply: We have.

[N], This ring is a symbol of never-ending love
Of all that I am and all that I have.
Receive and treasure it
As a token and pledge of the love I have for you
Wear it always
And find in it a protection whenever we have to be apart.

[N], This ring is a symbol of never-ending love
Of all that I am and all that I have.
Receive and treasure it
As a token and pledge of the love I have for you
Wear it always
And find in it a protection whenever we have to be apart.

The priest says to the congregation:

Will you, the family and friends of [N] and [N]
support and uphold them in their marriage
Now and in the years to come?
All: We will.

The priest takes the two ringed hands and wraps them in his stole

Heavenly Father, by your blessing
let these rings be to [N] and [N]
symbols of unending love and faithfulness
and of the promises they have made to each other:
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
All: Amen.

Blessing

God the Giver of Life,
God the Bearer of Pain
God the Maker of love
bless, preserve and keep you

The divine light illuminate you,
and shine out even from the cells of your being
guiding you in truth and peace
and making you strong in faith and wisdom
that you may grow together in this life
and that the love which endures
carved and polished like a diamond,
the love that can never be overcome,
may it bear you even beyond death itself
and transfigure you to glory

God bless you both
as we bless you from our hearts
now and always
Amen

A hymn may be sung here

Prayers

Faithful God,
holy and eternal,
source of life and spring of love,
we thank and praise you for bringing [N] and [N] to this day,
and we pray for them.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May their marriage be life-giving and life-long,
enriched by your presence and strengthened by your grace;
may they bring comfort and confidence to each other
in faithfulness and trust.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May the hospitality of their home
bring refreshment and joy to all around them;
may their love overflow to neighbours in need
and embrace those in distress.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May they discern in your word
order and purpose for their lives;
and may the power of your Holy Spirit
lead them in truth and defend them in adversity.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

May they nurture each other
and come at last to the end of their lives
with hearts content and in joyful anticipation of heaven.
Lord of life and love:
hear our prayer.

As our Saviour taught us, so we pray

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

Conclusion

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love,
Defend you on every side, and guide you in every truth and peace;
and the blessing of God almighty,
the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,
be with you and remain with you always.
Amen.

A message to all those preparing for Ordination to the Priesthood

We have not ordained you to be a caring person; you are already called to that;

We have not ordained you to serve the Church in committees, planning activities, and organisation; that is already implied in your membership;

We have not ordained you to become involved in issues of justice and peace, in the struggle, personal, social, political, against all forms of oppression and idolatry; for that is laid upon every Christian.

We have ordained you to something smaller and less spectacular:

  • to read and interpret those sacred stories of our community so that they speak the Word to people today;
  • to remember and practice those rituals and rites of meaning which in their poetry address people at the level where change operates;
  • to foster in community through Word and Sacrament and pastoral care that encounter with truth which will set people free to minister as the body of Christ.

We have ordained you to BE a priest, not to work as a priest, but to BE.

May God bless you in your future ministry.

NewCurateBingo

Dave Walker – http://www.cartoonchurch.com

Increasing internal storage on LG G3 (D855) using the SD Card

It’s a great phone, and I have no regrets about choosing it over the Samsung or the Sony at the time (I played with all three side-by-side), but that was some time ago and now 16Gb of internal storage is frankly a little light.

Of course you can add an SD Card for additional storage and this is great for movies and music files, but ultimately you start running out of app space. One of the coolest features of Android M (aka 6.0 or Marshmellow) is the ability to merge your SD Card into the internal memory. The downside is the loss of a bit of performance and you lose the ability to treat the SD card as a removable drive (it gets formatted into an internal format thus making it unreadable outside the phone without reformatting) but I never do that anyway because it means taking the back off the phone.

However, LG have disabled this feature.

BUT you can re-enable it.

1. Upgrading LG G3 to Marshmellow (Android 6.0 M)

On the Official LG Website, search for your G3 and you will find:

screenshot-www.lg.com 2016-05-24 08-14-20

Select “Software” and you get…
screenshot-www.lg.com 2016-05-24 08-14-32

Alternatively, the quick link is: http://www.lg.com/uk/support/mobile-phones?superCategoryId=CT00008355&categoryId=CT00008356&search=D855

Install the drivers and then the Mobile Support Tool.

2016-05-24

Connect your phone and select “Start Upgrade” and the system will officially and automatically upgrade you to Android 6.0. For some, that’s good enough because you have the latest official version and haven’t had to wait for an OTA (over the air) upgrade.

2. Enabling SD Card Internal Storage

Now this bit can get a little technical and scary, but bear with me. You need to make an edit to the system configuration and to do this you temporarily need to root your phone. This means basically to take control over it. It’s going to be temporary but you will need to install some programs to help you do this.

2.1 KingRoot

On your phone, go to https://kingroot.net   (note the https is important, going to http will not get you there)

screenshot-kingroot.net 2016-05-24 08-31-28

Download the Android Version onto your phone. Don’t bother with the Windows version, it is in an odd character set and makes no sense. You will need to sideload this .apk file. In SETTINGS / SECURITY  enable the  UNKNOWN SOURCES option. Then select the KingRoot app from your downloads folder and install it.

Run the App and follow the instructions here https://kingroot.net/tutorials to root your device. It will not be rooted the next time you reboot, so all will be well.

2.2 Build Prop Editor

From the Play Store go to https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.jrummy.apps.build.prop.editor

screenshot-play.google.com 2016-05-24 08-37-48

Running this app enables you to search for the following entry:

ro.lge.adoptable_storage 

This is set to false by default on the LG marshmallow ROM. You can set this to true, save the file and then reboot the phone.

Now, when you go into storage settings. You can press on External SD card, this will bring up the file explorer for the card. Pressing the additional options at the top right and selecting settings will reveal the all powerful option to format the SD card as storage. Woo!

WARNING: This will remove everything on the SD card, remember to backup any files.

WARNING 2: Removing the SD card from now on without reformatting the data to the internal storage properly will result in the loss of stuff. You need to be committed to keeping this SD card in situ and doing a complete factory reset when you want to move on.

There! Sorted.