Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith. Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled; without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; Neither confounding the Persons; nor dividing the Essence. For there is one Person of the Father; another of the Son; and another of the Holy Ghost. But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, is all one; the Glory equal, the Majesty coeternal. Such as the Father is; such is the Son; and such is the Holy Ghost. The Father uncreated; the Son uncreated; and the Holy Ghost uncreated. The Father unlimited; the Son unlimited; and the Holy Ghost unlimited. The Father eternal; the Son eternal; and the Holy Ghost eternal. And yet they are not three eternals; but one eternal. As also there are not three uncreated; nor three infinites, but one uncreated; and one infinite. So likewise the Father is Almighty; the Son Almighty; and the Holy Ghost Almighty. And yet they are not three Almighties; but one Almighty. So the Father is God; the Son is God; and the Holy Ghost is God. And yet they are not three Gods; but one God. So likewise the Father is Lord; the Son Lord; and the Holy Ghost Lord. And yet not three Lords; but one Lord. For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity; to acknowledge every Person by himself to be God and Lord; So are we forbidden by the catholic religion; to say, There are three Gods, or three Lords. The Father is made of none; neither created, nor begotten. The Son is of the Father alone; not made, nor created; but begotten. The Holy Ghost is of the Father and of the Son; neither made, nor created, nor begotten; but proceeding. So there is one Father, not three Fathers; one Son, not three Sons; one Holy Ghost, not three Holy Ghosts. And in this Trinity none is before, or after another; none is greater, or less than another. But the whole three Persons are coeternal, and coequal. So that in all things, as aforesaid; the Unity in Trinity, and the Trinity in Unity, is to be worshipped. He therefore that will be saved, let him thus think of the Trinity.
Furthermore it is necessary to everlasting salvation; that he also believe faithfully the Incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ. For the right Faith is, that we believe and confess; that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is God and Man; God, of the Essence of the Father; begotten before the worlds; and Man, of the Essence of his Mother, born in the world. Perfect God; and perfect Man, of a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting. Equal to the Father, as touching his Godhead; and inferior to the Father as touching his Manhood. Who although he is God and Man; yet he is not two, but one Christ. One; not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh; but by assumption of the Manhood by God. One altogether; not by confusion of Essence; but by unity of Person. For as the reasonable soul and flesh is one man; so God and Man is one Christ; Who suffered for our salvation; descended into hell; rose again the third day from the dead. He ascended into heaven, he sitteth on the right hand of the God the Father Almighty, from whence he will come to judge the quick and the dead. At whose coming all men will rise again with their bodies; And shall give account for their own works. And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting; and they that have done evil, into everlasting fire. This is the catholic faith; which except a man believe truly and firmly, he cannot be saved.
I am the vicar, I am.
I am the pastor, the carer, the listener
the one with the time to drop everything and
I also understand global politics and immigration and
I am the one who knows about Afghanistan
and cares about ‘our boys’
and I care about speed-humps
and the positioning of zebra crossings near schools.
I am passionate about school assemblies
mums and toddlers and also
I am good at one-to-one and small groups and
I listen and empathise and at the same time
I am the one who plans and strategizes and
I am the one who understands budgets and decides if we can buy any staples
or replace the heating system.
I am the vicar, I am.
I am the quiet reflective prayer and
I am the speaker, the enthuser, the motivator, the learned teacher and
I can engage a room of 10, 50, 300 people with no problem because
I am the one who relates particularly well to children
I am the one who is always one step ahead and
I am the one who is endearingly disorganised.
I am the vicar, I am.
I care passionately about church politics
I care passionately about domestic abuse
I care passionately about the plight of Anglo Catholics
I listen to the pope
the archbishop and
I am up-to-date with theological developments.
I understand the history of the reformation
the armed forces
the Jewish background of Jesus and
I care about the excluded and
I manage my admin and
I know how to access children’s services.
I am the vicar, I am.
I am the one in whom trust is placed
I am the one in whom grumbles are placed
I am the one who is always talking to everyone else
I am the one who models worship
I often get it wrong.
I am the one who has to keep my doubts under wraps and
I am also the one who is vulnerable and
I am the one who chairs meetings
I am the one who manages group discussions
I am the manager of an organisation that employs only me
I am the volunteer co-ordinator
the opinion co-ordinator
the trespasser on the territory of people who have been around a lot longer than me
and will be there after me.
I understand the heating system
the financial system
the rota system.
I love committees.
I drink tea with older people
And coffee with younger people
I listen to stories of bus routes and hospital visits and
I believe in transforming our community through the power of Jesus.
I am the one who is very tired.
I am the one who hates wearing dresses but still smiles
and would love to be muddy all the time.
I am the one who only works one day a week.
I am the one who loves this job.
I am the one who is making it up as I go along.
I am the one who would not swap this for anything.
I am the vicar, I am.
© 2009 Kevin Lewis
Dealing with the English Defence League (those noxious racists who drape themselves in the flag of a long-dead Palestinian Saint who has no English connections whatsoever) by taking the Mick, the Euro Disco Lovers aim to reclaim those letters and shove the others down the Google rankings. In a small way, this link (and your click on it) will help that. Check them out!
This was our fave 70s classic. It’s about dancing right?
“we’re back – the incredible horrible and twisted people who are still unaccountably Vicars”
On the first day of Christmas, I learnt this in I.T.
F1 is the help key
On the second day of Christmas, I learnt this in I.T.
F2 is rename, and F1 is the help key
On the 11th day of Christmas, I learnt this in I.T.
F11′s full screen, F10 does nothing, F9 does nothing, F8 does nothing, F7 does nothing
F6 does nothing… F5 refreshes the screen!
F4′s the URL, F3 finds files, F2 is rename,
and F1 is the help key.
And on the 12th day of Christmas,
I moved them all around…
Now F12′s the URL, F11 finds files, F10 is rename,
F9 turns the lights off,
F8 fires rockets, F7 makes you pregnant,
F6 still does nothing, F5 goes ping!
F4 gives you cooties, F3 kills aids,
F2 has disappeared, and F1 is the help key!
(by the Amateur Transplants)
We like the Peace here at RTM. It always takes me half-way through the offertory to get round the congregation. Bravo to Peter Skellern & Richard Stilgoe.
a work of genius parody by Adam Kay
There’s Aspirin, Adrenaline & also Aminophylline,
Amphetamine, Adenosine, Augmentin & Rifampicin,
Amoxicillin, Penicillin, Heparin & Warfarin
& Oestrogen, Progestagen & Canesten & Chloroquine
There’s Bendroflumethiazide & also Cyclophosphamide
& Metoclopramide, Acetazolomide Tropicamide,
Loperamide, Amiloride & Cyclizine & Frusemide
& if you’re up the duff then you had best avoid Thalidomide.
There’s Lithium, Fluoxetine & also Amitriptyline,
Paroxetine, Digoxin, GTN & Azathioprine,
Miconazole, Atenolol & also Chloramphenicol
& if you want to overdose there’s always Paracetamol.
There’s Night Nurse & Phenytoin, Zirtek & Diazepam,
& Lithium, Temazepam, Midazolam, Clonazepam,
Testosterone, Aldosterone & Valium & Insulin,
& Lignocaine & Piriton & Ventolin & Ritalin
There’s Cefuroxime, Cefotaxime, Cefalexin, Cephedrine,
& Metronidazole & Ketoconazole, Trimethoprim,
Erythromycin, Gentamycin, Macrolides, Nifedipine
& Actifed & Sudafed & Calpol with no sugar in.
There’s Phenelzine & Hyoscine, Ranitidine, Cimetidine,
Potassium & Calcium & ev’ry kind of Vitamin,
& Pethedine & Methadone & Speed, Cocaine & Heroin,
& Cannabis & Prozac, Morphine, Alcohol & Nicotine.
You must remember all these drugs
The names of which you’ve learnt from me
Or sod ‘em all & get a job in Orthopaedic Surgery
(by Lou Rundell, an opener for Year 5 Literacy for her first day in her new School)
Butter beans bubbling, boiling in the pan.
Slimy, slithery spaghetti, spear it if you can.
Classic, crumbly, creamy cheese melting like magic.
Wibbly, wobbly, jelly; ‘please set’, or it’s tragic.
Tangy tomatoes – tasty treat.
Beautiful buffet – all you can eat.
Fabulous foods yummy to eat and to touch,
But now I feel sick because I’ve eaten too much!